Tuesday, May 13, 2008

There are no words...

to describe my experience taking Caitlin to the pediatrician last week. But I'll try, because for two hours last week, my life became a sit-com, and it has to be shared if I'm to realize how funny it really was.

Nothing unusual about taking the kid to the doctor. Just a 2-month well visit, and everything was fine. But I forgot the diaper bag. Rookie mistake. And my timing was off.

So we got there and got into the exam room without incidient. It was at that point that I realized that she needed to eat. But I could probably stretch things out till we got home no problem. Then we waited. And waited. And when the doctor came in I had to fess up.

Daddy Day Care meet Daddy Dumb Ass.

Thankfully the office always has formula on hand and in no time at all she was fed and happy. Crisis averted.

Right.

Then came the poop. Oh, my. The poop. There shouldn't have been that much poop coming out of this little body at one time. But we'll only be here a couple of minutes. We can still make it. Oh my god, the smell. And what is dripping on my pants.

Crap. Literally.

So back out with the sheepish grin as I beg for a diaper. Again no problem. Taken care of. With only mild laughter from the staff.

Just a couple of shots and an oral vaccine and we are out of here.

Apparently the oral vaccine didn't agree with her discriminating palate. Cause it went in and then came back out. Along with all the formula. For the last two days, based on the volume. Pound for pound if that much vomit came out of me it would overflow the septic system.

The nurse was wonderful. Helpful, understanding. And the Scooby-Doo hospital gown, cause I forgot the diaper bag, that she got to come home in was very cute.

I don't think I can ever go back there.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

I'm a man I swear.

My name is Jamie, fairly non-gender specific, I admit.

I shave my legs which doesn't help my case. But I'm a bike racer, and don't give much thought to those who judge me for smooth legs.

I get mail addressed to Ms. Jamie Mack, which is understandable but still annoying.

I get telemarketer calls looking for Ms. Jamie Mack. I hang up on those who don't correct themselves after hearing my voice.

I currently off from work for a few weeks to take care of the new baby. Which, I have to admit, is much tougher than I expected it to be.

And today I spent 45 minutes walking around an arts and crafts chains store. I was trying to buy things for my wife's class I swear.

But add all these things up and I begin to wander when the men in jeans and t-shirts with the sleeves cut off are going to show up to revoke my man card.

I swear if it wasn't for the testosterone injection of watching Ax Men and Dangerous Catch, I'd hand it over.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Mr. Mom, Day 4,389

That was a long week. And I didn't even have sole responsibility for the little one for the entire week. One of the G-Moms came down for a couple of days and provided me with a brief respite from the sum of my fatherly duties. The first couple days were tough. Adjusting to each other, adjusting to new schedules and new adventures. But by the end of the week things had settled in a little. Now, I'm just a little nervous about how the next three weeks are going to go.

Should be interesting. Of, course I'd like this entry to be longer, but as I have finally settled down to do something for myself, the little one is starting to screech.