Stress

Stress is a funny thing. Very dependent on the day, the hour, the minute. Even the weather seems to be playing a part in my stress level lately. Enough snow to excite my 3-year old, not enough to go make snow angels. He was bummed. And I take that hard. I think more than anything I hope to limit the dissappointment in my child's (soon to be children's) life. I know that I can't stop all the pain and heartaches that life will throw at them, and I wouldn't want to. Pain is a vital part of life, for nothing makes you appreciate what you have more. But I think I can work on the little day to day things. Limit their stress level for that minute or so.

And the whole pregnancy thing is tough. And yes, I mean on the guy. The woman suffers, there is no doubt. But there are support groups, friends and evne strangers that wish the Mom luck and tell their stories of what they have been through.

As the Dad, I suffer in silence, mostly. I try not to vent to my wife, because she feels that it is her fault. Her fault that I work all day and clean and cook all night. And in a way it is. But it's an odd paradox. See, I wish she would get up and help once in awhile. Bt I'm the first one to stop her and tell her to go relax. So I guess if I have anyone to blame for my feelings of frustration and fatigue, it would be me.

What do you know. My wife is right. Everything is my fault.

New Kicks

So I finally think I have my running issues sorted out. So no whining today. I'm breaking in a brand new set of these. And they are fitted with brand spankin' new orthotics.

Yes, my wife loves to point out that I now, according to her, I am wearing orthopedic shoes.

But I don't care. I haven't been able to run regularly in a few months due to plantar fasciitis and I can't wait to get back to it.

Composure

I seem to be getting calmer, at least for the moment. My wife had a doctor's appointment this morning. Nothing serious, or unusual compared to her first pregnancy, but they are doing a few more tests and mentioned the possibility of her not working anymore until the birth.

Now I had a slight freak out moment. I know that it's important to follow the doctor's advice. But I also know that she is unemployed come June and everyday off is less of a chance for her to get a position for next year. Now, realize that the last part is really only true in my head.

And I know that.

I just forget sometimes.

I know that her chances for a job next year likely rest more on the funding for that position than anything else.

I just forget sometimes.

I know that I have a wonderful wife and an incredible son. And we both have families that will support us in any way they can.

I never forget that.

I will admit that this blogging thing seems to help. Even I realize how absurd some of my wonderings and anxieties sound when they are written to the world to see. OK, maybe not the world, but I'm sure those two people who have read this feel that way. Assuming they stuck around long enough.

3 Year Olds

I got to spend the day at home with our 3-year old today. Thanks to a way too late to make other arrangements call from our daycare provider.

Not that I mind, he's pretty cool to hang out with for a toddler. But these things always seem to happen when things at work are at their peak. Thankfully after a few hurried e-mails, calls and some quick formatting work, the fire for the day was out and I was free to relax.

Relax. Something that I have never been very good at. Physically, yes. I can lounge on the couch with the best of them. Mentally, though, things never slow down. And when I don't have something productive to think about, things go downhill quickly. Stressed about the impending birth, but mostly because it complicates my wife's job situation.

See, she's a teacher, but since we moved into Delaware she's only been able to get temporary jobs. So basically come June, she's unemployed until something comes up. Usually in December. This year she's finally in a good school surrounded by great people and supported by a wonderful principal. And she's pregnant. Which is wonderful and I couldnt be more thrilled.

But it complicates things, at least in my head. I, for some reason, have decided in my mind that each hour she takes off, which are well justified, will make it harder for her to get the job again next year. I have this image of her principal holding everything against her. Which I know is not the case, but I still drive myself nuts thinking about it.

Quite a tangent. I told you I had issues.

Back to the toddler. We're rolling out sugar cookie dough and I turned my back for a second.

By now I should no better.

I turn back and I now have a flour covered toddler and twelve cookies with little fingerprints throughout.

After the third attempt we managed to get them in the oven.

I love hanging out with him. He does wonders towards keeping my mind from running away with my anxieties.

Stress

Stress is a good motivator to do a lot of things. Never thought starting a blog would be one of those things, but hey, you never can be sure where things are headed. That's part of the fun for most people, but to me it's just another reason to consider professional help.

I guess I've gotten to the point that I need somewhere to vent all my anxieties. I mean, my pregnant wife can only be expected to deal with so much, right? So here it is. I'm a worrier. And I don't mean a little concern over the impending recession or who (hopefully) will be pulling us out come Jan. 20. I mean idiotic, mostly created in my head worrying over things that haven't happened, won't happen or that wouldn't even occur to most people.

I said I had issues. Consider yourself warned.

I'm not sure how often I'll be on here, or how long I'll stick with this, but not knowing is part of the fun right?