Mr. Mom, Day 1

OK, so it's actually day three of this little bonding experience, but this is the first chance I have had to type anything. It surprising how not being at work can be so tiring. I definitely have a new respoect for stay at home Mom's. I'm in the first week of a four week stint, and I'm already tired. And I'm already sure that I'm going to miss being home with the little one, which surprises me.

See, with both of the kids I have been back at work within a day or two of birth. Not out of some sense of duty, but there just wasn't anything for me to do. I get bored easily. Well, that's not really the case. I think saying that I need more than one thing to occupy my mind is a better way to put it. You know the type, I can only work in my office with the radio on, even though I don;t really listen to it. ADD, focus problems, whatever you want to call it. Give me one thing to concentrate on doing and I'm likely going to screw it up because my mind is trying to figure out our finances for the next six months while my eyes are trying to read the latest on why this plastic bottle is bad for you. What was I saying?

No idea. Anyway, this blog thing has lasted longer than I thought it would. Though I doubt my rambling all over the place musings are of interest to anyone, I've put down more than I thought I would.

E-Bay Love, E-Bay Hate

I have a love-hate relationship with E-bay. I love that I can find a Ringle Mojo Cable hanger years after they have been made. Cause it will look great on the new cross bike. I hate that I'm apparently the family merchant. I've got a set of Rolf wheels that I need to ship out. And a Cannondale, that's been ridden within an inch of its life that's on there now. Good Luck if you've been looking for just that.

Really I'm just sucking up cause I think once this stuff is sold off, I'll be the proud owner of a brand spankin' new Ultegra SL groupset and a nice set of Ksryium wheels. So I really don;at have much room to complain.

Cause I love that no matter what you're selling, someone is buying. I have a friend that sold on broken I-pod. Who's buying this stuff?

But mostly, I hate that 30 seconds before any auction ends, 12 people will suddenly appear and bid. Find something you want, be a man. Bid and take the risk. That's the whole point.

Quiet Week

Relatively anyway. Busy at work, but getting through. Still feel odd to be taking four weeks off to hang out at home. I'm not sure how I am going to do here. I've had the benefit of handing the kid over to my wife if she got to be difficult. Although I've tried not to do that lately. Still weird to think about all that time off. Hopefully she'll enjoy some time in the jog stroller so I can keep the fitness up.

Racing again. Two races in one year that don;t include swimming or tearing through the woods at 3 am. Should be fun, part of the Wilmington Grand Prix so there may actually be spectators. Lots of people treated to the site of my not as thin as I'd like to be, definitely not as fast as I could be ass flying through the streets of Wilmington. Should be a treat for all.

Decisions, decisions.

So I now have two rather nice road bikes in the basement. And I can only keep one. Borrow would be a better word I guess cause neither really beongs to me. They are both hand-me-downs from my faster than I am father (60 years old and he still just rides me off his wheel).

One I have had for a couple of years now. Very nice Aegis Aro Svelte. Good parts, cheap wheels. Great bike, great ride, but older and not as race oriented as the other.

The other I have ridden in NJ whenever we are up for the weekend and I manage to sneak out for a ride. Cannondale CAAD7, R3000. Newer than the Aegis with a better parts spec, but probablya few more definitely tougher miles.

I am keeping one. But I have instructions to E-Bay the other. And no input on which it should be. And I can't make up my mind.

Practicality vs. Sentimentality.

The Cannondale is the better bike. But the Aegis was here first. The Aegis representsmy first steps back into the bike culture. The Aegis is the first of now numerous gifts of support from my father. But the Cannondale is the better bike.

I've grown as a rider.

Should I cling to the beginning or ride into the future?

Little Things

Amazing how the little things can set me off. Phone call last night. About nothing. Just my wife's job calling with some news. Not good news mind you, but nothing that directly affects us. But just hearing a message. Normal, call me back because I need to tell you something message, and the next thing you know I've got us living in a trailer cause we can't afford the house anymore.

Over nothing. Dumbass.

Kids a Junkie.

That's right the three year old is hooked. Needs it first thing in the morning and it's the last thing he asks for at night. We're trying to keep it under control, but he's getting to be an ornery little bugger. And that tropical flavored Triaminic is rough stuff.

Apparently there is a cold being passed around day care. Only a matter of time before I have to take a day off because the day care lasy is a little fragile. She's just starting out, hasn't built up the immune system yet.

But the kid is a trooper. He's gotten up the last three days sounding like an 80-year old man with emphysema. Hack, hack, cough, cough. By the time we made the five minute trip to daycare this morning he had snot covering both hands and dripping off his chin. At least he's learned to cover his mouth.

I don't know what has changed, but apparently the anxieties are under control this week. Last week was rough, one step away from my wife either having me committed, or just running me down with the car for the insurance. I think with everything going on with the family in NJ, work being a little stressful and not working out much just piled on until the camel collapsed under the stack.

Done in by straw, how's that for a metaphor for letting the little things get to you?

Exhausted

I'm literally sitting here on the couch with the computer on my lap wondering what to do with it. I have done a lot already this weekend and have a lot more on my plate. And I am just exhausted. My wife is upstairs trying to catch some sleep after a couple of rough nights with the newborn. The three-year old is on the couch after a good dose of Triaminic because he woke up sounding like an old man with emphysema. And Caitlin is resting in Grammy's arms on the loveseat. And Thank God for Grammy, because I just don't have the energy or the patience this morning to deal with the two kids by myself.

I raced this weekend, which is nice, but I went to visit my grandmother in the stroke rehab facility, which is difficult. And I did my best to try to help my Mom relax. But given all that's going on, it's difficult. She's doing her best to be there for my grandmother, who in addition to having a stroke, has had her dog die, is about to be moved permanently to a nursing home and have her house sold. And she doesn;t know about the last three. I think she still has it in her mind that she is going home soon to live out her life with Molly. When she finds out that is not going to happen, I don't know how much life she'll have left.

And I've had a lot heaped onto my plate lately. Along with all the stuff at work, which I'm trying to get done in the next three weeks to spend some time at home with Caitlin. I have all the stuff that my wife is going through and dealing with the two kids. Who I love, don't get me wrong, but they are draining. I have two bikes and a set of wheels that my Dad asked me to clean and sell, which I can't turn down since I'm keeping whichever doesn't sell first. And he's handing over an Ultegra SL group and Mavic wheels that I can use to build up the Hole Shot. I don't hesitate to help with things, I'm just running out of time in the day.

And all the while I'm trying to keep up my workout schedule to keep all the anxieties at bay.

But with all this time I'm spending here whining about everything, I don't know if I'm going to get to everything.

Yikes. Sometimes I really just need to put all this down in writing so that I can see how stupd it is. I shouldn't be whining, because all in all I have things pretty good.

Sandy Hook TT

Made the trip up to NJ this weekend for the Sandy Hook TT. Almost 300 people registered for the race this year, which seemed high to me. I've done this one before and it's nice to go out and race an event with my father and some of the guys I ride with when visiting the parents in Jersey.

The weather for this race is usually horrendous. Standard gear for this event usually includes more equipment and rain gear than a weekend camping trip. Thankfully this year it wasn't needed. Racing in shorts, jersey and wind jacket and I was overheating by the end of my effort.

The weather was all we could ask for, however the organization and the volunteers were a little lacking. First, unlike previous years, the numbers were not given to riders in start order. They were all over the place, which made it difficult to keep track of where you were in the start and when you needed to be there. I almost got dropped by the starter before the official began counting down and I know of at least one rider who was let go when the starter said 5 seconds to go.

But the weather was beautiful. Started out into the wind, and probably did not go as hard as I could have since the turnaround seemed to come sooner than I expected. Nice tailwind on the way back, but just didn't feel the snap in the legs that I was hoping for. But still likely a bit faster than last year, though most of that is probably due to the more favorable weather.

Still waiting for the final results, I'll update again when I get them.

My Wife

I don't think I've mentioned my wife yet. Along with putting up with all my anxiety, and to be honest whining, but she has embraced my love of all things bike. I couldn't ask for a more supportive women in my life. This evening, for example, she tangled with the 3-year old and the one month old, so that I could pack and bring the Tri Bike up to speed. All so I can then abandon her for the weekend to ride the Sandy Hook TT. I can't believe how lucky I am to have found someone like her. Though I don't understand why she puts up with someone like me.

If only my bike was being as supportive right now. All I had to do was do the final tune before the race and lay down some new handlebar tape. And then the cable housing on the front derailleur burst. Just freaking unraveled. I didn't even know that could happen. And somehow a bad cable lead to a bottom bracket rebuild. Nothing is ever easy. Especially the first race of the season. But while I'm not quite primed and ready I'm probably not as fat and slow as I feel, so here we go.

Sanity, sort of.

But sanity shall prevail this weekend. Well, as sanity in the form of a bike race. A time trial. In what is usually a 40 degree, rainy, windy day at the beach. Last year, I got through my race and just suffered waiting around for the old guys to go off. Have to dress better this year.

My Dad has done this race for the past several years, with me joining last year for the first time as a racer. It's pretty cool that my Dad and I can share the whole bike thing. He's very supportive, as any good father would be. And only kicks my ass by little, so I don't feel that bad about myself.

Racing the time trial at Sandy Hook this weekend. So hopefully this is the event that shall allow me to relax, bring back some perspective, at least for a little while.

Though I will miss the wife and kids. Kids with an "s", still not used to that. And this is the first time since we brought Kaitlin home that I'll be away overnight. It's tough to do, but has to be done. For the good and sanity of is all.

Driving Myself Insane

That's apparently what I have chosen to devote this week too. Absolutely, unequivocally, freekin insane. Over nothing. Take the smallest possibility of something, and blow it up into something greater than it could ever be and you have where I get myself. Even the true consequences of what I can imagine are not worthy of the anxieties and energies that I devote to mere possibilities.

I'm driving myself nuts. And I'm doing my best to drag those around me down with me.

My mother is the only person that I know of that worries about things on the level that I do. And when I told her my latest worries, she laughed at me. That's the point that I began to feel better. Because when other anxious people start making fun of you, you've crossed the line of reality into the area where you're just fishing for attention.