A Good Day

I had one of those rides yesterday. No, it wasn’t a cross ride, but in my defense, for a road ride it involved more than the usual number of obstacles, bunnyhops, even spectators it seemed. It was one of those rides that doesn’t start out unusual. Decent weather, good company and that little extra snap in the legs right from the start. But somewhere along the route the stars align and you reach that place that is difficult to define.

There was nothing extraordinary about the ride we set out on. Just a preview of a road course for the race my father’s club promotes every year. Something we have done innumerable times in the past. But each year the road conditions seem to deteriorate a little more, hence the need to preview the course, just in case.

Tearing through the course I stole glances at the computer, continually pleased with the numbers I was seeing. I shouldn’t be going this fast this early, feeling this well. Good signs.

Coming back through the last stoplight, I came to a stop and it just dawned on me. This is why I ride. The tough rides that show you’re in better shape than you thought. That all those trainer sessions in the basement were worth the boredom. Watching cycling DVDs so many times you begin playing them back in your head as you try and fall asleep. It all has a purpose.

We do all of that because we are chasing the perfect day. It may be that we hope for all this to come together on a race day. But we can’t control the intangibles. We just have to hope we recognize it when we see it. When we see clearly how lucky we are to have the ability to chase these perfect days. Appreciate the moment that you realize that it’s one of those days, because you never know how long it will be till you find it again.

Busy, Busy, Busy...

There has been a lot going on the last month. First race of the season (and I didn't finish last!). Just registered for the second.

Working with these guys is proving to be an experience. We'll see how it goes. Working on the text for my first attempt at an article, hopefully they won't laugh too hard at my finished product. Been e-mailing people from several states and two continents trying to pull somethings together.

Working with the club on this. And of course still working on the club website and the uniform order.

Grandmother is in a decline and we're headed out tomorrow to go see her. She's apparently gotten a lot worse since I saw her a few days ago.

And of course there's this other thing. Cause I don't have enough to do.

And I don't feel like I can anything done anywhere for anyone. Just a rough time right now. But there are some lights on the horizon, bright spots at the end of the tunnel.

Hopefully it doesn't end up being the train.

I need to get better about this....

There really is no excuse that I haven't posted in two weeks. It hasn't been for lack of thinking about blogging, does that count? There has been a lot of thought about this but it never felt like I had a good enough subject.

Which brings up the true question. What is my motivation? Am I doing this for me or for others? Do I really expect other people to read this? Or am I doing this as a record of how well the medication is working? No idea really. Just something I think about from time to time.

Slacking Again

Just realized how long it has been since the last post. Too long. Not for lacking of thinking about posting, or lack of ideas, just lack of motivation and general direction. Still searching for a path forward for the family, but taking steps in the right direction.

Simple distractions have become long-term excuses for ignoring the obvious and denying that a solution exists. But steps are being taken and a compass heading is being pulled from the fog that has been enveloping us for awhile now.

The bike is being ridden, races are being planned. The season is starting to take shape, in an early form, and the rest will sort itself out. I just have to remember to have faith in myself and those around me.

And to get off my ass and do something.

Silver Linings

I've been sick for the last three days. The four year old has been sick for the last two. Though he had it worst.

Sears will be here Tuesday for a repair appointment sometime 8 AM and 5 PM (HOW IS THAT AN APPOINTMENT?!). But, I'm going to have a working washer at the end of the day and the knowledge that I could have fixed it. And won't risk the wrath of my wife because the laundry is spreading out of the bedrooms and down the stairs.

I have to drive two hours with the whole family to a birthday party at Gymboree! tomorrow. But it will be cool to see Liz and Scott and maybe get some Wii time.

My boss is the oldest infant I have ever met. How many people complain that there is no reason to have someone checking up on them, then make things more difficult for everyone out of spite? At almost 70 (yes, seventy) years old he should know better. Thankfully there are many other sane people...OK maybe sane isn't right. We're all just screwed up in a way that allows us to work well together. But they, and some of the work we do, make it worthwhile.

And the big one. I haven't been able to work out much this week. But I feel guilty about it for the first time in weeks. The gauge is finally starting to tip to motivated.

And I hate being on drugs. I didn;t seek help with my anxiety for a long time, and now I don't know why. I guess I was afraid that they would change who I was, make me someone artificial. But now I see, that that decision may have just made me who I should have been all along.

And if nothing else, the drugs have really made me see that there usually is a silver lining. Even if you have to make it up yourself.