Good Night, Bad Night

Last night was a bad night. The latest on my Grandmother is that she is not eating or drinking enough. We're not sure if it's because of a physical problem or if she has chosen to give up. It's just a wait and see situtation at this point, but when they start talking about IV's and feeding tubes in the Rehab center, it's probably not a good sign.

But I have a hard time being very sad at most points. Not that I won't miss her or that I don't love her. But she is 88, has outlived her spouse, her friends and one of her children. Even her dog, her best companion for the last few years, seems to be stretching her paws to heaven, and we don't know how long she will last. I think I could forgive her for letting go and moving on. Most of us can only hope to live as long anad as well as she has.

But I also enjoyed last night. For the reasons above I sought out solitude in my workshop for a little while. A new bike in the stand, Transitions 2 in the DVD player and a wonderful glass of Merlot. All I did was install the fork on the bike, a minor accomplishment. But being down there alone (there's a word you don't see often with a toddler and infant in the house) working on the Holeshot and relaxing with a few sips of wine, was wonderful. Putting all the anxieties and thoughts out of my head and actually acommplishing something for myself.

It was just peaceful.